I hate it when I feel out of control, but I frequently do. Why, I ask myself, am I not a wonderfully disciplined person, who runs her life like a military operation with exactly enough time to do everything she needs to do and chill at the end of the day with a glass of Rioja. I think I'll even be late for my own parting - 'Sorry, I can't die yet, I haven't finished what I was doing and I'll still got another half dozen tasks to do!!'. I'll have to live til I'm at least 100 to catch up with myself.
I've done all the values stuff - what is important to me, prioritising the important things, dropping unnecessary balls and trying to delegate to people who are better than me at certain tasks (like book keeping! yuk!). So what is still missing? Why am I not superwoman?
Maybe its about inner balance rather than outer balance. Maybe it's not about balancing tasks, but about balancing my inner core so that the outer tasks become easier. Yes, ok, those of you who have 'got it', probably wonder why its taken me this long. Well it just has. According to my Human Design profile, I learn by trail and error and experience (which is clearly why it takes me so long to work out things that others just 'know').
Mystic Mog (my friend, Meredith) lent me a book last night: Perfect Health, by Deepak Chopra, which talks about Ayurvedic principles and the balancing of the doshas (Vata, Pitta, Kapha). I sense some illumination and a light bulb moment. I suspect I am a dominant Kapha, which means I need light, air, and warmth in my life to balance the cool, heaviness of the Kapha traits. Which makes complete sense: I crave light sunny long summer days and am not at my best in winter, cloudy, wet or cold weather. I gain weight easily and so will be looking to try out more light foods in my diet to see how that affects my weight, but also my energy levels. I have been quite uncomfortable in this cottage and am looking forward to moving. Could it be because this cottage has low ceilings, small windows, is north facing, cold and slightly damp, despite its prettiness and the bungalow I am moving to has all the main rooms on the south side, with patio doors in every main room, so it is wonderfully light, airy and warm. Even dull days will seem lighter.
I'm going to dig a bit deeper into Ayurveda. I've always known about it, but not looked into it in depth. Perhaps it's time I did. Now, 12.03, time to whizz off and drop off the marked assignments at college, make some nice lunch for Claire to save her from the hideous sausage cassserole the hospital is about to give her (when will Jamie Oliver tackle NHS food!?) and then do the other umpteen tasks I have planned for this afternoon!