March diary

March 2006
Sometimes things happen in life which knock all the stuffing out of you and leave you wondering what you did to deserve it. If you have read my musings you may well know that Divadom was created after I had had a really rough year, when my inner diva must have been away on holiday.

Towards the end of 2005, I was feeling I had got back on my feet, life was looking up and I was enjoying a new relationship. Then in February this new relationship suddenly plummeted into free fall and I landed with a very heavy bump. To say the stuffing was knocked out of me is actually putting it very mildly, but fortunately this time my inner diva was only taking a nap. She picked me up, dusted me off and said, 'well perhaps we need a life review here'.

And so over the last few weeks I have been reviewing, clearing, renewing and transforming me. It is an ongoing process and there is still work to do. One of the major transformations though is a slight change of direction. I have always thought of myself as a business woman first and a writer second. Writing was almost a hobby that I was lucky enough to make some money out of. All change. I am now a writer and speaker first and a businesswoman second.

Why is this shift in thinking significant? Because I was driven to succeed as a business woman to fulfil what I thought I should be, not what I really was; and I was not particularly motivated to do it beyond the first flush of creativity. I am hugely motivated to be writer because that's what I really want to be, and every book, article or collection of words is a creative flush for me, which I love. Therefore I am more likely to be a successful writer than a business woman. I am still running a business, but the energy and enthusiasm are flowing into the business of writing. I am marketing myself differently too - I am marketing ME and my talents not just the fruits of my creative labours.

Sometimes I wonder if we actually listened to our intuitions, our inner voices, our authentic self on a more regular basis, perhaps we would not need such huge upheavals in our lives to make us stop and do that listening. So often the change we need to make in our 'self' only comes when we are forced to stop in our tracks. The last few months have been a truly distressing, horrible time but I am finally listening to 'me', and for that I am very grateful.